Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
