Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
