The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
