The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
