i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Houston, we have a squirter
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
