My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
