More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize