so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
