i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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