I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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