Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
