apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
