I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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