he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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