i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
