i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
