Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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