I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
