I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
