Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
