her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
