i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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