I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
