i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
