How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
