and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
