Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
