My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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