She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she told me i tasted like america
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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