You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
