Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize