I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
false alarm. still invincible.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
