I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i now understand why vodka
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
