She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
