She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
