So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
