u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
