I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
