i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
