Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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