3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
