I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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