Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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