i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
