He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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