Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
even my farts smell like vagina
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
