Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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