This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
