i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's never too late to be topless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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