Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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