I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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