Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
