she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
