What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
