is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
