i don't like sucking hair
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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