There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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