I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
