He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
