We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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