So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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