Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
