Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
