I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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