I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
