Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
