So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
