Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize