11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
