it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize