I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
