I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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