we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
