You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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