I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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