What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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